Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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