just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
