I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
