I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
