haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
