you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
