What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found the puke drawer
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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