I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
