You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
