i think my mom watched the whole time
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drake has all the answers
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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