well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
