I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
