Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
