dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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