Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
