my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
