Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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