Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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