like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
