ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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