I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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