Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
