some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
