can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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