Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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