John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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