my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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