weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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