I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
