my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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