I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
