Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
