I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's the barista slut.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
