I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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