Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize