I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
