So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
