I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
