Little spoons don't ask big questions
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
