i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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