i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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