Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
