You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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