so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
