Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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