In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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