He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
