Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
