Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
