I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
