yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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