You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
