So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
