last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
