Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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