no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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