The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
