i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
