I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize