12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
