mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
