Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
