Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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