Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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